80 New Year Captions for Babies (First New Year, Zero Memory of It)

A baby's first New Year has one reliable joke built into it: he is going to sleep straight through the entire thing.

That's the caption. Not fresh starts, not new chapters — just the very funny gap between how much the internet cares about midnight and how much a seven-month-old does. Eighty below, and the short ones are first because they're the ones you'll actually use at 11:58pm.

Short

1. New year, same baby.
2. First New Year. Zero memory of it.
3. He slept through it.
4. Happy New Year from the small one.
5. New year, new tooth.
6. Countdown was at 7pm.
7. He made it to 6:45.
8. 2027's problem now.
9. First of many.
10. New year, same 5am wake-up.
11. Party of one, asleep by eight.
12. Cheers, from a bottle.
13. He's ringing it in horizontally.
14. New year. Still can't walk.
15. Happy New Year, love the loud one.

Funny

16. He saw in the new year at 6:45pm and we're counting it.
17. We did the countdown early and put him to bed. Best decision of the year.
18. My resolution is to sleep. His is clearly not.
19. He has no idea what year it is and honestly it's going well for him.
20. Midnight came and went. He did not.
21. New Year's Eve, but the party is a bath and a bottle.
22. Last year I was out. This year I was in bed at 9:45 and thrilled about it.
23. He celebrated by waking up at 3am, so he did technically see the new year.
24. Resolutions: none. He's already perfect and I'm too tired.
25. The only one in this house who slept through midnight is also the only one who wanted to.
26. New year, same negotiation about bedtime.
27. He wore the hat for eleven seconds. Here they are.
28. Our big night: pajamas, takeout, and a monitor.
29. He'll be told he stayed up. He will not be corrected.
30. Fireworks woke him. Obviously.
31. Started the year exactly how I'll spend it — holding him.
32. New Year's Eve at 8pm is just called "evening" and it's better.
33. He turned one this year and has no idea that's impressive.
34. Toasting with a sippy cup like a man of taste.
35. Twelve months, four teeth, one very good year.

Sweet

36. The best year, because it had him in it.
37. Whatever the year brings, it starts with this.
38. Last New Year I didn't know him yet.
39. He made this the best year of my life and he doesn't know.
40. A whole new year of firsts.
41. Starting the year holding everything I wanted.
42. This time last year we were waiting for you.
43. Nothing about this year went to plan and it was the best one yet.
44. Same small hand in mine, one year on.
45. Here's to another year of him.
46. He is the resolution. I just want more time with him.
47. Everything good about this year fits in my arms.
48. First New Year with you, and every one after.
49. He won't remember it. I'll remember all of it.
50. New year, and my favorite person is already here.

First New Year specifically

51. His first New Year, spent entirely asleep.
52. Born this year. Ending it like a legend.
53. Made it through year one.
54. First New Year's Eve. Cost of party hat: $1. Time worn: 11 seconds.
55. He arrived this year, which makes it a good one by default.
56. From one small human, happy first New Year.
57. He has now experienced two years. He's aware of neither.
58. Year one: complete.
59. New to the year, new to everything.
60. First New Year, and the only one he'll sleep through this easily.

For toddlers

61. He banged a pan at 7pm and called it midnight.
62. Countdown from ten. He counted "two, five, ten." Close enough.
63. He wanted to stay up. He did not stay up.
64. New year, same threenager.
65. He ate the party food and left the party.
66. Told him it was a new year. He said "okay" and left.
67. He's been practicing "Happy New Year" for a week. Said "happy noo" and we'll take it.
68. Confetti was a mistake. Do it outside.
69. He stayed up until 8:30 and is ruined for a week.
70. New year, and he has opinions about it.

For the parents

71. Made it through another year, mostly upright.
72. My resolution is eight hours. It won't happen.
73. Year one of parenting: survived, occasionally thrived.
74. New Year's Eve looks different now and I don't miss the old one.
75. We didn't go out. We didn't want to.
76. Toasted with cold tea at 9pm. Perfect night.
77. The year everything changed and none of it was on the plan.
78. Here's to the parents in bed by ten. We know what we're doing.
79. Same partner, same sofa, one more small person.
80. Best year. Least sleep. Both true.

The one worth writing down

Somewhere in the post, put his age in months and one thing he does right now — "eight months, claps at everything." Next New Year that line is the whole point of the photo, and you will not remember it otherwise.

More captions: 3rd birthday captions, Christmas captions for babies for the week before, and baby milestone captions for everything in between.